How to get a woman out of YOUR head?

Is there a surefire way of getting a woman out of your head? Just curious 'cos I've got a minging case of it right now and I've quite frankly got more important things to worry about than one-sided love right now... The whole thing does my nut to be quite honest.

Music seems to help, but not at work

Why are these things always so blooming complicated?

Put simply, I want to be like this: :MILD:
but feel like all of these::bub: :cry: :green: :devil: :gary: :duck:

Don't suggest booze or anything like that - too hot, too expensive, and the problem'll be there when I get back! The whole deal reminds me of that damn Alone track by Heart (uch!).

 

Dom, you either have to ride it out or find another woman.

The longer you stay in this state, the quicker your mates will just become annoyed with you and start giving you abuse about it (everyone has their limits). Then you'll be doubly pissed off.

Why not organise a w/e away from where she is and have a large one with your mates ?
OK, it don't remove the issue but the least you can do is enjoy yourself - it's your divine right as a man .

 

NO - other than chopping it off (either one)

 

Aha - but (all bar two of) my mates don't know... Not dragging them into this one! I don't see her that often anyway, but every time I do, I get this, and then get over it again after a few days.

Short of not seeing her (to remove said problem completely) I guess I just have to put up with it, as I can't not see her! The really annoying thing is she's a cracking mate so I think I've gone too far down that route to ever ask anyway - d'oh!...

Thing is, women like this that I get on with so well don't come into my life very often - think this is the second I could actually really get on with from the last 8 years! I'm more of an mind connection/companionship type of guy to one who puts it about all the time, so it's really complicated!

I think cutting my head off is the easiest solution: :chop:

Then after this weekend when I finally move to Exeter I'll find myself someone else who can make me :banana: like she can

 

As said by Uncle Rory to Prentice McHoan in The Crow Road by Iain Banks "Imagine her on the cludgie"

That might put you off Dom.

 

Urm, urrgh, ahem, been there done that and no it didn't. And I mean been there as in actually there - don't ask - afterparties are wierd places sometimes! Unless that is, you mean "on the blob" - that probably wouldn't either - I don't mind blood that much...

Christ this is getting sicker by the minute!

More bright ideas please - a 12 guage shotgun might be a good start...

 

I don't think shooting her will help, Dom...

Tell her you fancy her. Simple as that. Worry about the consequences (if any) later. This is the way the world works.

-- Ian

 

Cludgie is Scottish slang for the toilet m8

 

Ah well, like I said above, that's not a problem then - been there and done that - phew - for a horrifying minute I thought you meant "imagine her leaking blood etc every month" - the other thing's no problem!!!

Hmm - Ian, easier said than done dude - I'm moving on Saturday and the last time I had a long term relationship it was a disaster. Nope, think I'll do the old "mates is pretty special" compromise thing from Four Weddings, and just move on - if it ever was meant to be I'm sure it'll work out...

Then again, she IS out of my league - perhaps. Too chicken to ever tell her what I really feel though despite her saying I need to be more open - now is that with her or with someone else? Why are women so bloody confusing anyway!?

What I don't intend to do is keep harbouring this for 12 years like I did with this girl at school - when I came to I realised I'd done a Leonard Cohen and "waited half my life away" (literally, at the time!). This one's been mildly lurking for about 9 months, so I can just quash it and move on surely - I mean, how hard can that be?

After all, it's summer and there's plenty more out there hey?

That said, the real bummer is she's one of only two I've ever met who (as I said above) I firmly believe I could live with - well, 2 in 8 years - keep my eyes out - I'll find another one in 2008!

 

dom get a passport and get yerself over to dam for a few days ,lifes a shit were woman is concerned,im going through simaler "truma"at the moment,the girlfriend decided to move back to phillidelphia after getting her degree (she payed for it all out of her own pocket before any accuses her of olny coming back to the uk for a cheap education).At the moment shes out there soring out accomadtion and the varies paper work required for her new job,she comes back on thursday,olny to move out for good at the end of the month time is a great healer as are good mates,also look for positives in being single,no one to nag you for leaving clothes all over the bedroom,no one to keep on at you about putting that shelf up,cheaper weekly shopping,my stash should last longer,and no one to complain about me getting carried away with the volume control at 2 in the morning.

 

Are you sure? Isn't that just another way of putting things off temporarily again and again before having to face up to the same issues (once the smoke has cleared ).

Surely, you'd want to be like this instead:

I don't think I can say much more than what has already been said. Either approach an "out of sight out of mind attitude", and get on with some other acitivties to divert your mind - personally I think you need start doing your art again - or something similar that will give you a creative release in order divert your (pent up?) energies.

If your friendship with her is really that strong and genuine, telling her exacty how you feel isn't going to do jepardise (sp?) the friendship, IMO. In fact, if anything, it should make the friendship stronger even if nothing more becomes of it. Take what happened with L for example, it all worked fine in the end, why - because you were and have always been "real" mates.

Easier said than done I know, but you if you want a resolution you have to move things on to a resolution by taking the next step.

 

Sorry to hear about that Hippy - that's kind of made me realise just how insignificant this little problem of mine is... Hope she figures out what she needs to do and that it works out for you OK.

The clothes over the floor thing would be my girlfriend's area if I get one - I'm fastidiously tidy usually

Yeah - that's the image I meant Henry I do wander just how much of the whole thing is down to things I shouldn't be doing hey? Well, having another couple of months minimum off now from all that stuff, so we'll see.

I think it's robbed me of my ambition and drive - I need to get back into my art or something like that soon - all in good time.

If I could just chill over the whole thing (why am I always so serious with all this stuff hey - well we know the reason (natural mum) but just wish I could put all that out of my subconscious 'cos it's doing me no favours at all!

Amsterdam sounds like a freakin' excellent idea - but I'm not paying for it. Stuff that. From here on in it's a case of "wait for the right one" - as I said earlier it's not the first time I've met a woman and realised on the spot that we'd be best mates - this time I need to break into that process BEFORE we're best mates!

Henry - do you get a distinct case of deja vu here? 'Cos I was here in almost identical circumstances in November and let's face it - I did sweet FA about it then as well! God I'm useless - but then it might have been like that bit in Human Traffic where they're both crapping themselves - could have gone really bad!!

No, think I need a normal, staid, down to earth Extonian - this woman is so far out of my league as anything other than mates that it's not even funny! Then again, IS she? I guess, but I just don't know...

 

Because they are, ol' bean, always. Moreover, they stay that way (said he, 23 years and two very large daughters later) - "happily ever after" usually belongs only in fairy tales. The process of giving and taking never stops.

 

dom,
my track record with women is sketchy at best but i'd say tell her how you feel. that way you either...
1) get laid, release the poison and get on with life.
2) loose a friend but at least know where you stand.
3) get a much closer friend who understands you better.

just a suggestion
cheers


julian

 

Dom,

Yep, I've definitely got a feeling of deja vu... We have been here before on a number of occassions with off-line discussions going over the same ground as what's getting covered here.

If "she" was out of your league, do you think she would even talk to you and give you the time of day as much as she has done?

The "now that she's a good mate" line that you say should never been crossed is an avoidance clause or excuse. Especially given this context which is yes, deja vu. Don't repeat the cycle dude.

 

Excellent! I guess you'd call that a win-win(-win) situation then.

 

Hmm - well, there's little point telling her now I won't be around is there?

That said, a mate from work, Jo, said last night "it's not final - you may well have loads more chances so don't see that as a final thing" - she could be right.

As for the options you have there Julian, I reckon 1 and 3 (and possibly together) are more likely than 2, but no matter how much 1 and 3 appeal, 2 makes 1 and 3 very unappealling if you get my drift. However, in all seriousness 2 is unlikely to happen anyway - but I don't want the humiliation of a rejection and the embarrassment - being KB'd really really does me in - probably 'cos I was in the most heinous way when I was 3 months old, but that's another story... I'll have to do SOMETHING involving risk with women one day though, so next time - if there is one, I really should be "more open" - I still don't know if that's with her or with other women - the way she meant it, though? God - just send me to the padded room now - would be easier!

I'll not likely get another shot though - I know how my life pattern works and I had a situation (not as severe as this) in 1993 that I've never really put behind me. Typical that I didn't do anything about this one then - damn confidence!!!

 

Urm - I don't think 2) is a win situation at all - rather be in the dark than lose a friend (of the opposite sex) I get on with so well - they're pretty rare in my book!

 

Like I said though Dom, if she is a "real" friend then it won't happen. On the other hand, if there are differences that will eventually get in the way of your friendship in the long term then they will be brought out in the open now - better to air things now than live a possible lie?

In anycase, you also said that when you move away later on this month, you will not likely see/speak to again/as much? So what's the difference?

Who's to say you won't visit each other - I think I can almost gurantee you'll find yourself torn between your new and old home, I very much suspect that.

 

The real reason the internet was invented was so that reality and domestic problems disappear