Things that change when you leave university

THINGS THAT CHANGE WHEN YOU LEAVE UNIVERSITY:


1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep

2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.

6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.

7. You hear your favourite song in the lift at work.

8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.

9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.

10. You carry an umbrella.

11. Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.

12. You don't go to Tesco with all your friends.

13. You have standing orders and direct debits.

14. The heating works in your house.

15. Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and
break-up.

16. You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.

17. You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.

18. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.

19. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids
next door won't turn down the stereo.

20. You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.

21. Washing up is not an annual ritual.

22. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around
you.

23. You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.

24. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

25. You feed your dog 'Pal' instead of McDonalds.

26. You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.

27. You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat
later.

28. You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub
crawls.

29. You "hate scrounging students".

30. You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when
drunk.

31. Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.

32. You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.

33. You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.

34. You always know where you are when you wake up.

35. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

36. A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.

37. You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms
and pregnancy test kits.

38. A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.

39. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.

40. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian
tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone.

41. You don't have mice living in your kitchen.

42. Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.

43. You don't go to QuikSave to buy Vodka.

44. You have vacuumed.

45. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.

46. 'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never
going to drink that much again'.

47. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for
real work.

48. You don't experiment with banned substances.


49. You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a
pub.

50. Lunchtime is not 'the morning'.

 

Hmm....as a student a lot of that rings true

 

haha very good. It made me laugh. The bit about going to bed at 6:00am is very true!

 

As a fairly recently ex-student, now doing the whole professional "work" thing...

It's all true.

 

Meh I'm staying at uni. Masters, then I'll find some irrelavent PHD to do I think. I'm never leaving. Its a like a fantasy learning land where cash magically appears in my bank account three times a year. And as mentioned, lots of nap time.

 

I want to a masters as well, but I think I have to do it part time while running a business or having a job. I may even move out then I to a different university then I can become a real student.

 

Great list.

51. Hifi toys that you really wish to buy have become actually affortable but there are many other things you really need to buy first.

 

Yep as soon as I get a decent job (this may take ages) I plan to go on a mad spending spree. I've just bought some new headphones costing me £65 so I won't be upgrading them for a while, but I want a decent tunrtable maybe a Rega P3, a replacement amp, my Maratnz PM6010OSE isn't that great, I will be keeping my Marantz CD600OSELE CD player becuase it will take a hell of a lot to beat that, and I need some new decent speakers.

Best of all I will be able to afford the American import version of Joy Division's Attompshere/She's Lost Control on 12" (they go for about £30 on ebay).

 

hmmm,
my first job was a bit like that. not a very professional place but 5 years of drug and alcohol fuelled lunacy taught me a few things about life. of course you couldn;t do a degree in computer games in those days sol uni was out for me. i think really it's not a working / student things more a hitting 20 ish thing.
still made me grin though.
cheers


julian

 

You'll be surprised how quickly that gets eaten into by the taxman, plus other costs such as rent, council tax etc etc. I got my first job 1 year after leaving uni (involved relocating to the other end of the country) - it was well paid, but I didn't see much at the end (my standard of living has gone up though ). My spending spree is now limited to once a year - bonus time

 

Ive considered selling my house and going back to uni to do another degree or MSc, the profit id make from my house would fuel one hell of a time at uni!

It has been said many times that Im still half man/half student although I think its more 70/30, old habits still linger including the breakfast cereal point. On the other side 1am is a late night for me and Im totally knackered the next day, I hate noisy kids playing in front of my house, I hate paying taxes for bloody students to piss it up, I get my hair cut on a regular basis, I shave on a regular basis, I have **gulp** a mortgage, I have utility bills on direct debit, how do you have sex in a single bed, Ive forgot??

 

On your own

 

Yup, all true ... except the one about fantasising having sex with three women ... that one still rears its head occasionally and I left 15 years ago.

 

Erm, I left uni in 1996 and all the above are not true in my case; immature? Maybe, but who cares!? (Fires in kitchens are always "cool" with me, because I go into a trance and just watch them - had a pretty bad one with some spaghetti back in the day at the blind school and it took someone else to put it out - I was just staring at it. And yeah, I was sober...)

Let's not go near the roadsign one - let's just say our house had a new addition on Friday. Oops. Damn Double Locks, and a large roadworks site on the Roughest Road In Exeter (TM) on the route home from said 'Locks

As for number 45, err, I did 39.5 mph in a 20 zone last summer - on a push bike. No, I didn't know there was a speed limit. Ooops.