Do I have a dog?

Edit: copied and pasted from an email circulating in our office.

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food??

 

I don't know......

I have one famly member who would us that line as a conversation starter.

Perhaps she just wanted to ask about your dogs and take a general interest?

She may have just been making friendly conversation (if a little pedantic)?

I wasn't there though!

 

Nice one Dev, that little jape just made my day

 

I'm just thinking she might have been expecting the response.

"Yes; I keep an "xyz" and an "abc". Why? Do you like/keep dogs too?"

 

My mother has a habit of using the wrong name.

One sunny afternoon we were sat in the back garden, myself, Mum and Uncle Ken and our family dog Shane was also out enjoying the sun.
Suddenly my mother shouts "For heaven's sake, Ken will you stop licking your balls" ....... the neighbour almost fell off his ladder as he was cutting his hedge!